Of fat Sehwag, a booed Sachin and vulgar fan chants
They say Sehwag is unfit I think he is just plain fat.
Sehwag was never exactly slim but the way he is going it won't be long before the Aaloo moniker is passed on from Inzamam to Veeru. It's a pity that none of the news-papers or the TV channels, which spend endless hours discussing Dhoni's locks or Munaf's haircut are willing to focus their attentions on the fat boy's paunch. Imagine a TV camera panning slowly over Veeru's tummy and slimming experts using a pointer to show what the real problem is. "That's where all the butter chicken is residing." "The fat here is thanks to asli ghee ke ladoos from lalajis shop in Najafgarh" Methinks it would be a compelling reality show.
Zman and I were discussing Veeru and Zman believes that it is not his reflexes but his eyesight which has been affected by overeating. Zman's theory is that Sehwag is so fat that the skin below his eyes impedes his vision having turned into a mini mountain of fat. Zman also theorises that the ever increasing tummy means that Sehwag can no longer bend to field those ground balls and which is why the ball is invaribaly wishing him luck as it speeds under his arms to the fence.
Even as I write all this the fat boy has lost his wicket to the rising delivery and his walk to the pavilion was a slow laboured one. I wonder what the chances are that he wont suddenly develop a bad back and not field later in the innings.
Perhaps it is time that Chappell instead of worrying about how to screw Ganguly turns the scres on Veeru.
Sach Is Life
Sachin Tendulkar gets booed at the Wankhede and it makes the national headlines. Every out of work player (no matter how good or bad they were at the game) chips in with a "How dare you boo him" "It's a shameful act" "he has done so much for the country"and even expats like Botham, who once called all of Australia convicts, wants the people who booed to be punished.
To hell with it I say. This is modern day sport. When you play well you get cheered and when you play badly you get booed. How does it matter what you did yesterday or through your career. People pay money to see you perform today and if you don't give them their moneys worth then be prepared to face their ire. As for 'done so much for the country' can we cut the crap out. Cricketers play for the BCCI which makes a lot of money out of the game and in turn the cricketers make a lot of money. It is in their self interest to do well and not for the greater good of the country.
Now everyone gets booed. Michael jordan got booed, Ronaldo got booed, Beckham got booed.But its only in India that the national media tries to make an issue out of it. I just attribute this inane discussion to our lack of heroes and news being nothing but a celebrity watch. No channel or newspaper worth its salt is complete unless it has a couple of filmwallahs or cricketers in them. And given that the Indian media can ill afford to antagonise these celebrities. So instead of lambasting Sachin for a shoddy performance they are desperate to take up cudgels on his behalf when he gets booed. Sad
Arseholes and Bastards
Heckling is not an easy sport to indulge in. Hecklers have to be imaginative to get under the target's skin. Our rote based education system ensures therefore that we can't do very well at this game. Adn given that we turn heckling into abusing and start chanting arsehole every time an opposition bowler comes to bowl or some more colourful abuses in Hindi.
This happens even at practice matches (i attended the England vs CCI XI match a month ago in Mumbai and every now and again you could hear these chanters) where groups of youngsters, no doubt practicing for the real game do their number.
For some reason we imagine that by doubting the parentage of a player, talking about his sister or calling him a disgusting part of the anatomy he is going to get very upset. Maybe if a billion guys say that you are an arsehole or a bastard you suddenly become one and are going to be so shattered that you will completely lose all your marbles.
Naturally there is nothing wrong with it and I am sure that we can find some nugget in our ancient texts which says that calling vulgar names is part of of a thousand year old tradition and it even helps cleanse the mind of impurities or some such exalted theory.
Now imagine if India played in England and a thousand Englishmen chanted bastard every time Sachin came to bat instantly everyone in India would be calling them racist, start ranting about goras and their bullying ways and feel mighty offended.
Hmm makes you wonder
Sehwag was never exactly slim but the way he is going it won't be long before the Aaloo moniker is passed on from Inzamam to Veeru. It's a pity that none of the news-papers or the TV channels, which spend endless hours discussing Dhoni's locks or Munaf's haircut are willing to focus their attentions on the fat boy's paunch. Imagine a TV camera panning slowly over Veeru's tummy and slimming experts using a pointer to show what the real problem is. "That's where all the butter chicken is residing." "The fat here is thanks to asli ghee ke ladoos from lalajis shop in Najafgarh" Methinks it would be a compelling reality show.
Zman and I were discussing Veeru and Zman believes that it is not his reflexes but his eyesight which has been affected by overeating. Zman's theory is that Sehwag is so fat that the skin below his eyes impedes his vision having turned into a mini mountain of fat. Zman also theorises that the ever increasing tummy means that Sehwag can no longer bend to field those ground balls and which is why the ball is invaribaly wishing him luck as it speeds under his arms to the fence.
Even as I write all this the fat boy has lost his wicket to the rising delivery and his walk to the pavilion was a slow laboured one. I wonder what the chances are that he wont suddenly develop a bad back and not field later in the innings.
Perhaps it is time that Chappell instead of worrying about how to screw Ganguly turns the scres on Veeru.
Sach Is Life
Sachin Tendulkar gets booed at the Wankhede and it makes the national headlines. Every out of work player (no matter how good or bad they were at the game) chips in with a "How dare you boo him" "It's a shameful act" "he has done so much for the country"and even expats like Botham, who once called all of Australia convicts, wants the people who booed to be punished.
To hell with it I say. This is modern day sport. When you play well you get cheered and when you play badly you get booed. How does it matter what you did yesterday or through your career. People pay money to see you perform today and if you don't give them their moneys worth then be prepared to face their ire. As for 'done so much for the country' can we cut the crap out. Cricketers play for the BCCI which makes a lot of money out of the game and in turn the cricketers make a lot of money. It is in their self interest to do well and not for the greater good of the country.
Now everyone gets booed. Michael jordan got booed, Ronaldo got booed, Beckham got booed.But its only in India that the national media tries to make an issue out of it. I just attribute this inane discussion to our lack of heroes and news being nothing but a celebrity watch. No channel or newspaper worth its salt is complete unless it has a couple of filmwallahs or cricketers in them. And given that the Indian media can ill afford to antagonise these celebrities. So instead of lambasting Sachin for a shoddy performance they are desperate to take up cudgels on his behalf when he gets booed. Sad
Arseholes and Bastards
Heckling is not an easy sport to indulge in. Hecklers have to be imaginative to get under the target's skin. Our rote based education system ensures therefore that we can't do very well at this game. Adn given that we turn heckling into abusing and start chanting arsehole every time an opposition bowler comes to bowl or some more colourful abuses in Hindi.
This happens even at practice matches (i attended the England vs CCI XI match a month ago in Mumbai and every now and again you could hear these chanters) where groups of youngsters, no doubt practicing for the real game do their number.
For some reason we imagine that by doubting the parentage of a player, talking about his sister or calling him a disgusting part of the anatomy he is going to get very upset. Maybe if a billion guys say that you are an arsehole or a bastard you suddenly become one and are going to be so shattered that you will completely lose all your marbles.
Naturally there is nothing wrong with it and I am sure that we can find some nugget in our ancient texts which says that calling vulgar names is part of of a thousand year old tradition and it even helps cleanse the mind of impurities or some such exalted theory.
Now imagine if India played in England and a thousand Englishmen chanted bastard every time Sachin came to bat instantly everyone in India would be calling them racist, start ranting about goras and their bullying ways and feel mighty offended.
Hmm makes you wonder
posted by bababull at 7:54 PM
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